Tag: Newhart

Day 999: Buh-Bye, So Long and Hallelujah

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It’s a completely valid question.

For the past 50 or so days I have been fielding one question more often than most: what am I going to do for Day 1000? Will the final kilograph reflect upon the 999 that came before, like some extended clip show of my greatest guffaws and most aww-rending moments? Will I spend my final entry in closing-credits mode, thanking those who have made this all possible and put up with my considerable dearth of free time over the last 2 years and almost 9 months?

In short… no. While my original intent was to meander down that self-serving footpath for my final article, I decided that I would only do so if I could cite the Wikipedia page that had been created about me – as it turns out, that doesn’t exist yet.

In order to figure out my final missive, I felt I should turn to the moulder of my wisdom, the sage oracle who has helped to shape my morality, my perception, and even my understanding of the world: television. I have experienced the highs and lows of series finales – certainly at least one of them could illuminate the road to a poignant, entertaining, and (most of all) worthy coda to this monstrous undertaking.

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My first option is the beloved trope of bringing back a classic character for the finale. In my case I could introduce a surprise cameo by Yoko Ono, Craig David, Mary Nissenson, or if I really want to stretch to my roots, Phineas Gage. I could style the entire piece in a blend of haiku, musical theatre and secret code (did anyone ever figure that one out?). It sounds trite and cliché, but that’s always a place to start, isn’t it? Read more…

Day 317: The Nastiest Of Video Nasties

Two fun-filled days ago, I told the story of the video nasty. These are the movies that were determined by some frightened old woman named Mary Whitehouse to be too harsh for the gentle British sensibilities in the early 1980s. Some of these movies – which bypassed theatres and went straight to video – were successfully prosecuted under the Obscene Publications Act of 1959. Many were re-released after the most offending scenes had been cut; some have never again seen the light of day.

With 72 films on the list, I felt it would be a shame if I never explored some of them, just to see what had Mary’s panties in a bunch. I wonder if she watched each of the films on her list personally.

Like Blood Feast, the 1963 film directed by the ‘Godfather of Gore’, Herschell Gordon Lewis. This is the story of a psychotic caterer who kills people in order to serve them in his meals, while making sacrifices to the Egyptian goddess Ishtar. The movie was notable for being the oldest film on the video nasty list, and for being the inaugural splatter movie. Read more…