Tag: David Lynch

Day 991: The Subjective Science of Getting Friendly With Your Water


Good morning, water. You look lovely today. The way you have meticulously extracted the energizing essence of those crumbly brown nuggets of Sumatra in my coffee maker really brings out the glimmer in your droplets. Look, I’m a married man, but if I wasn’t, I would totally be gettin’ up in dat aqua, you feel me?

According to Dr. Masaru Emoto, I may have just created a more healthy and vibrant cup of coffee. Dr. Emoto is a revolutionary oracle of scientific knowledge, inasmuch as he has concocted his own definitions of the words “scientific” and “knowledge”. Dr. Emoto has “proven” (and it’s hard to find a source for his work that doesn’t nestle that word between the comforting pillows of quotation marks) that positive energy makes water better.

Not better-tasting, not more nutritious or refreshing… just better. Happier. More wholly fulfilled. Dr. Emoto unearthed that line where metaphysics and alternative medicine cross over into crazed Lynchian fiction, then leaped across it like a doped-up Olympian. He landed among the Technicolor bobbles of the absurd, cultivated his own particular brew of ludicrous reasoning and slapped a price tag on it.

And we bought in. Oh, how we bought in.

How could we not trust that sincere face?

How could we not trust that sincere face?

Masaru Emoto earned his doctorate at the Open University for Alternative Medicine in India, though I feel “earned” should be yet another resident of Quotes-Marks Manor, as I have unearthed a couple of sources which claim that such a degree can be bought for around $500. But Dr. Emoto’s doctorness is relatively moot, as he immediately set out to sail the vague ocean of alternative medicine, which contains far more fetid flotsam than it does navigable current. Read more…

Day 663: Movies For Those Who Hate Themselves


Ever since I began working toward my vocationally hopeless major of film studies, friends and family began assuming that I would drift into the realm of the film hipster. That I would forego whatever movies won the weekend and instead find inspiration in the unfathomably absurd. I thought this too – that after four years of training I’d be able to sit through any Lynch or Cronenberg film and immediately understand the layered nuances.

Well, that didn’t happen. And I’m looking as forward to the Anchorman sequel as anybody else. My tastes didn’t change, they simply broadened to include French New Wave, Japanese quiet films and German silent expressionism. None of that is going to change the fact that our family Christmas Eve movie is and always will be Die Hard.

But when it comes to movies that are “out there” for out-there’s sake, my eyes tend to gloss over and my feet yearn to foxtrot me the hell out of the theater. I’m not wholly averse to the avant-garde; I find films like Arthur Lipsett’s Very Nice, Very Nice or Bruñel and Dali’s Un Chien Andalou to be magnificent and enjoyable visual collages. But for most of its indulgences, the experimental and avant-garde scene doesn’t connect with my inner oomph.

Maybe I just need to find the right ones.


Here’s a film that acts not only as a rich artistic statement (perhaps that there are too many good films in the world and that the creator of this one is trying to balance things out), but also as a cure for insomnia. It’s called The Cure For Insomnia. You’ll have a tough time tracking this one down on DVD or at your local repertory theater, but don’t worry, you’re not missing a great story. Or really any story. Read more…

Day 365: The Ghosts Of Disney Past


Eleven years ago today, I was in Disneyland. I found I had just as much fun as a 27-year-old with two kids as I’d had when I was six, despite now knowing the true cost of a Churro on the grounds (I think it was something like $45).Yesterday I unearthed a relic of Disneyland’s past. Today I thought it might be fun to queue up for a few more.


The PeopleMover was a big attraction in Tomorrowland when it opened in July of 1967. Its name summed up its purpose admirably – these were little cars on a track, and they moved people. Think roller coaster, but with no inclines, no sharp turns, and speed that would ruffle nary a stray hair. The PeopleMover was presented as the public transport of the future. The cars never stopped; you stepped on or off the ride via a giant rotating platform at the station. But it was all very safe.

Almost. There was a tunnel on the ride, and about a month after the launch of the PeopleMover, some 17-year-old tried to jump from one car to another in the tunnel. He was killed in the process, much like the 18-year-old who tried it in 1980. The ride closed in 1995. And despite a grass-roots effort to get it re-opened (seriously, this is the cause some folks have chosen to dedicate themselves to), it won’t – partly because of schmucks like these who have forced stricter safety regulations to be put into place. Read more…

Day 147: Spoiling Magic – Three Card Tricks To Impress The Young Or Feeble-Minded

Wikipeida is not merely a wonderful resource for information and finding out if old celebrities are still alive (you go, Abe Vigoda!), but it can also be employed to shatter childhood wonder. Gone are the days when some guy in a top hat can convince me that there are otherworldly powers all around, and that some humans can actually control the unspoken energies of magic.

Now we have the internet. The Age of Knowledge may dispel many mysteries of the universe, but it comes at a cost for those of us who love magic. You can look up how Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear. Google will gladly reveal how he walked through the Great Wall of China. You can learn any of the standards – the interlocking rings, the woman cut in half, levitation… it seems the only way to really hang on to that sense of wide-eyed rapture about magic is to limit your internet usage to pornography.

Which, if done correctly, can seem magical.

Then there are the card tricks. Wikipedia offers a handful of them, complete with how they’re done. This entire article is one big sloppy dollop of spoilers, so if you want to keep your innocence pure, close this page and take my advice with the porn.

The article dealt to me by Ms. Wiki today looks like one of the cruddiest card tricks ever. It’s called the Acme Of Control, and it would take quite a showman (or showwoman) to convince me that this isn’t stupid. You start by showing the audience two cards. Two specific cards that you have pre-determined. You’ve taken duplicates of those cards and pre-stashed them wherever you want the reveal to be: your pocket, taped to the underside of the dog, inside your spectator’s underwear (that could be tricky). Someone in your audience tucks the two cards you showed them into the deck and shuffles it. What a surprise – the cards are taped to the dog’s wiener. You are magical, cruel, and some may say you’re somewhat disturbed. Read more…

Day 112: Witches & Titans – The Staff At U-VA

In lieu of doing factual research on a topic – school just ended, and I feel like giving my brain a rest – I will instead be presenting blatant, unchecked opinions. Those are always so much more fun than facts anyway.

Ms. Wiki assigned today’s article to the University of Virginia. Rather than pontificate on its rich 200-year history, its triple-A credit rating, or its notable alumni (Edgar Allen Poe, Tina Fey, and Steelers’ linebacker James Farrior, to name but three), I’m going to instead take a more personal approach.

The popular website RateMyProfessors.com allows students to arbitrarily assign ratings and comments to their professors. So to all present and future Cavaliers, this can be a valuable resource for you. The internet is never wrong, so pay attention.

Drama 387: Prof. Richard Herskovitz

This is a film studies class, apparently with a focus on independent filmmakers. One critic warns, “Prepare to meet some subpar filmmakers, since he doesn’t know any real ones. He brings them to class and everyone feels awkward since no one liked their movies.”

I’m totally on board for this class. An uncomfortable discussion with 50+ students trying desperately not to tell the guy behind the podium that his movie made them want to pluck their eyes out with a long skinny fork and dip them into a pot of cheese fondue? Who wouldn’t want to witness that? It would be like taking a music appreciation class with guest lecturer David Lynch. Read more…